NORFOLK, Va. (WAVY) — Trying to get your children to help around the house may seem like a daunting task, but research shows chores can have an important and positive impact on the development of our kids as they grow into adults.
Michele Tryon, a parent-educator and the community outreach and engagement coordinator for Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters, said the significance of chores cannot be ignored.
“Chores are important for a couple of different reasons,” Tryon said. “One of the drivers for children of any age, and even for adults as well, is they want to feel a sense of belonging, and they want to be able to contribute. So, your children are a part of your family, and if they have responsibilities, they have that sense of, ‘Oh, I’m important here and my contributions are valued.’
“It also teaches time management and organization. So, if they have certain responsibilities that they have to do every day, they have to figure out really how to get those done and then being accountable for whatever it is that they’ve been asked to do. That’s really an important one as well. Overall, we’re just teaching them life skills that they eventually will need to know to be able to function as an independent individual in society.”
She said giving children responsibility and showing them you trust them to accomplish the task is important for their developmental mindset.
“We really want to build in our children the sense of efficacy that they can make an impact on the world,” she said, “and so when we are giving them responsibility, we’re holding them accountable for it. They’re learning skills, but they’re also learning self-confidence — ‘I can accomplish something. I can do something that is really going to help me in the future.’
“Then, when they become that person in the future, they’re able to do some things for themselves and not feel like they don’t know what to do or they can’t do it. So, it’s that sense of confidence and efficacy.”
Tryon suggested talking with your parenting partner about chores so you are on the same page, and then begin what she calls “scaffolding” a child’s development.
“We start out with something that seems pretty easy to do,” she said. “You give a three-year-old a damp cloth, and they’re going to dust the entire house. They just love it, right? If you have a 10-year-old, and their job is to clean the cat box, you know, they may be a little more resistant to that.
“So, the idea of looking at who your child is, what their strengths are, and also recognizing that chores are not gender-based. So, a girl may want to do an outside chore [and] a boy might like washing dishes. So we’re really looking at who is your child, what are they capable of doing, and then teaching them how to do that. If they accomplish something, we give them a little bit more responsibility. That’s the scaffolding part. I need to show you how to do it. I need to do it with you, and then you can do it independently. So, it’s not necessarily this is the chore to do at this age. It really depends on your child.”
It’s also important to lead by example.
“[Show] we appreciate each other, you know, even you saying to your parenting partner, I appreciate that you made dinner last night, or they saying to you I appreciate that I had clean clothes to put on this morning. So your children see that appreciation and they become part of the running of the household.”
Tryon said a family meeting is a great way to establish goals for chores. She admits, however, that some children may need incentive.
“For many children, a visual chart is very helpful so they know this is what needs to be done,” Tryon said. “They can do it in what order they want to do it in, but they can kind of check it off. So some of us are checklist people, and other people, you have to give a little bit of a gentle reminder for them to do what they need to do.
“Families have to decide whether they want to pay children or give some kind of incentive for doing chores. I think sometimes it can be helpful, but sometimes that can backfire. If you say, ‘What am I going to get for it? Why should I do it?’ We really want to instill with them that they’re doing it in order to belong and contribute.”
