NORFOLK, Va. (WAVY) — Born and raised in Norfolk, Jalyn Holmes, a five-year NFL player currently with the New York Jets, has returned to give back in the name of his late-stepfather, who died by suicide last year.
“So just giving a space for the people in our community to grow and evolve in their mental health,” Holmes said. “It’s a matter of life and death.”
Holmes and his mother created a men’s mental health non-profit in honor of their beloved father and husband, called Vaughn’s Way.
On June 11, 2023, Vaughn Parker Jr. died by suicide in Norfolk.
“We were blindsided,” said Tasha Holmes Parker, Vaughn Parker Jr.’s wife. “Had no clue. No clue that he was struggling or dealing with it to that point. That saying check on your strong friends? He was that strong friend.”
She described Vaughn as someone anyone would confide in.
“He was very compassionate and outgoing. He wanted to help any way he could,” Parker-Holmes said. “After his passing, so many of his friends have reached out to me, saying that my husband was the one who talked them off the ledge, or they understand what he felt like, what he was going through. But they had no clue that he was going through it himself because everyone came to him and put their burdens on him and he was like the fix-it button, trying to fix everything and trying to help everyone.”
“We started Vaughn’s Way [to] share light and be able to open up a space for men in our community to talk about their mental health, because he struggled with that,” Holmes said. “And we all struggle with that.”
Holmes will hold a football clinic for middle and high school athletes at Lake Taylor High School Wednesday and Thursday. He said around 20 players are participating, and a big part of the clinic focuses on mental health.
“So for me, football, when I got to the NFL, that was the time where I felt like, ‘OK, like, what’s going on?’ So I’m feeling a little bit different. Is this anxiety? Is this depression? And I saw that affect my life, my outside life,” Holmes said. “But I also saw how that affected me on the field. So I’m trying to use this football camp for kids to see how important their mental performance in the game and how it applies into the physical.”
June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. According to Mental Health America, six million men suffer depression each year. Men die by suicide at four times the rate of women and are less likely to seek help.
“As a man, sometimes you have to slow down and say, ‘how do I feel about this?’ Because you don’t go through life processing things to how you feel,” said mental health professional Mario Barnes, a licensed social worker and therapist. “Sometimes it takes a little bit longer for those feelings and emotions to catch up with where your logic is at that point in time, … to be able to step back and actually value those feelings and emotions, actually nurture those emotions, and respond to them in a way that’s loving and caring, versus beating yourself up for how you think you’re supposed to feel or you shouldn’t feel, and all these different rules that we got to live by.”
He said a way to manage mental health starts with self-management, and talking to a professional.
“You don’t go on a football field without your helmet,” Barnes said. “What are those coping skills that you take out in life? What are those things that are going to help protect you while you’re out here battling with life on a regular basis? You know, what boundaries do you need to have in place for yourself? What is going to help you maintain your sense of self and your self-esteem? You know, what’s going to help you regulate your emotions and be aware of how you’re feeling and how you experience the things around you?”
The mother and son hope their non-profit can help spread the same message.
“Like I told my son, sometimes I’m upset about why we have to do this, you know, because of his death,” Holmes Parker said. “And I say, his death is the lemons of life. And this foundation is going to be lemonade. You know, you have to make lemonade out of lemons, and if we can save one person just by this foundation, we have lived up to his honor.”
They invite the public to a Community Day at Lake Taylor High School Saturday. The event will include a memorial walk in memory of Vaughn.
Resources
Local resources are available in Hampton Roads. Find your local Community Services Board to see what services are in your city. Click here to view more resources from the Virginia Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Services.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
For information on programs, events, presentations and support groups the National Alliance on Mental Illness offers, click here.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-TALK.
